oh dear. I think my title is a euphemism. I gave my two weeks notice, for one, and I don't regret that. It's done. Done after a staff meeting that was terrible to sit through, demeaning, and saddening. Sure, I feel terrible, but I did before, too. I had a meeting with Elaine, the executive director of the camp, of my own volition. She told me that she loved me, and that should I want to apply again, no one would be gladder than she. Luanne told me that she didn't care...I think she's hurt.
The bad part of today is that I am in huge conflict with my coworkers. I feel like they hate me. I manage at least one shift a day, though I have no real authority...and I feel that I am too autocratic at times. But they snap towels at each other if I don't tell them not to. Tonight, one of my coworkers was being really rude and upset towards me. I cornered her, asked her what was wrong. She told me that she wasnt going to say a word about it. After some upset further cornering, she shouted at me
"YOU SNAP at me all the time! You're so mean! I don't want to talk to you! If you make me I'll LEAVE!" She hasn't spoken to me since...and I didn't handle the situation well. I cried and cried in the dark fridge...I don't think her feelings are isolated. How have I managed to screw up this job so badly? No one gives each other the benefit of the doubt here. I am so sorry, but this chick does NOT want to speak to me. I'm bewildered. i had no clue that she was upset with me for so long. I just want to get the job done, get it done fast, get it done right. Have I been trampling on people for that? It's not worth it. I feel like a spatula weilding nazi. I don't know what to do.
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2 comments:
I support your decision. Now come home, and give me a big hug. Feel free to cry if you want to, and we'll talk about whatever you want.
Love.
shannon. i had a similar problem when i was working for school. i failed placements. i did everything for the children, they were my best friends, but the teachers no matter what i did, were just never happy with me. i got some a's a few b's, c's and lots of d's and f's. i didn't deserve them. i faught those marks till the very end. Nothing changed. I have to repeat part of school now, but what i focus on more is did i impact the lives of the children. I think so, and thats what im trying to encourage myself with. Im sure the people you worked with, who gives a flip bout your co-workers, im sure the children and youth loved you!
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