.the hardest thing

Had a crazy phone discussion with Meaghan...made her cry. Cried. The bottom line is that I miss God and I don't know how to get back. There are so many roadblocks, and I feel like He's too far to get to. Treeplanting comes soon...it's either a new leaf to holiness in the deep woods, or it's another progression of inequity that feels fine until I go to bed at night. I don't know how to talk to any xtians about it, because I don't want to break anyone's heart. This isn't the way that faith should go...lost hope and a whimper, as the "little light of mine" shines less and less.